Quickie: Theoretical Sandwich

Like Einstein's Relativity and Newton's Gravity -- some foods are strictly theoretical.

You know, those dishes and meals that you think up in your head that are of unknown taste, quality, and difficulty to make. A lot of the times theoretical foods come from the fact that someone is drunk or high and they make a sandwich with grapes, doritos, and leftover Hamburger Helper.

Sounds terrible, but hey, it could work in theory.

Or, other times, you make a theoretical meal because of the ingredients you have available to you. I've made stewed chicken and black beans in a mojo cream sauce 'cause that was all the damn food I had in my fridge. (And it was very good)

And, especially for major chefs, theoretical food comes out of complete and utter boredom. These are the tuna steak and pineapple on rice cracker appetizers. These are the wasabi mashed potatoes inside a ball ground lamb. Weird shit that "breaks" boundaries. Or, maybe, famous chefs are just inebriated when they think up this weird shit.


So I present to you, Fielding Crestwood's Theoretical sandwich!


Ingredients:

1 Croissant, split, buttered, and grilled
1 Angus beef patty, seasoned and cooked
1/2 an avocado, sliced
Fresh Basil Leaves
Blue Cheese Crumbles
Tiny Bit of Mayonnaise
Green Tomato Relish (Optional)


In this sandwich I drew influence heavily from New-California cuisine. The addition of avocado to anything can make it "California"... but fresh herbs (basil) and artisan cheese (blue) help my case here.

This sandwich was amazing. It was very well balanced. Freshness from basil, richness from avocado, pungency from the cheese, heartiness from the angus, and tang from the relish. And who doesn't love toasted croissant?


Conclusion: When making theoretical food, it is key to balance all the ideas of what you look for in a good meal. Excite your taste buds here!

Queer Sunday

Everyone at a recent picnic we had was gay. Look at this:

All seven people in this photo are gay. The person taking the photo is gay.

Gay gay gay.

This pink-sausage party was anchored by a rousing game of croquet; if you've never played croquet, the greatest thing about it is that you can play it while getting sloshed. Even better, it is completely acceptable to do this on a Sunday at 2 in the afternoon.

However, the gay boys probably get more of their calories from amaretto sours than from actual food. On a recent Sunday at King Longfellow's place, this could not have been more apparent. Look at the spread that we had:


Biscuits, chicken strips, and grapes.


For a good Sunday afternoon you will need:

5-7 gay guys who like drinking, wearing nice clothes, and don't mind being terrible at croquet.
Croquet set. We play with the set from Eddie Bauer.
Basket full of chicken strips.
Chilled Grapes.
Biscuits which somebody probably under or overcooked.

Mimosas (1 part cheap champagne, 1 part orange juice).



I lost the game. Terribly.