Quickie: Porking ourselves.

Let me start off by saying that I generally don't believe in pre-made or frozen ingredients.

That said, there are some things that you can't get around.

And then you realize that and you make this meal:


Orange-sesame grilled pork tenderloin, sesame sugar snap peas, and fried matchstick sweet potatoes.

Do I really need to explain why this meal was good? I mean, look at the damn picture!


Orange-Sesame Grilled Pork Tenderloin:

Pork Tenderloin, sliced in 1/2 thick cuts. (Or you can use porkchops, cheapo)

Marinate in 1 part Lawry's Sesame Ginger 30-minute marinade, 1/2 part orange juice, and 1/4 part rice wine vinegar. I would do this for much longer than 30 minutes, though. Maybe four hours.

Get your cast iron grill pan nuclear hot. Sear the chops on one side for 1 to 2 minutes, and flip. Sear again. Flip and turn a quarter turn so you get cross-hatch grill marks. Flip and turn a quarter. You are done. Let sit at least five minutes before cutting. If you don't, all the juice will run out and you will be left with very dry pork tenderloin indeed.

Oh, and top with toasted sesame seeds.

NOTE: I like my pork chops medium to medium-well. Yes, I don't cook them all the way through. You know how your mom said that you could get trichinosis? Well, she was wrong. Fortunately (I guess), because of the way we mass-produce pigs for eating in this country trichinosis is virtually eliminated. Less than 20 people a year contract trichinosis, which is a very small number indeed. If you are still paranoid, if you simply get the interior of your pork to 160 degrees fahrenheit, it will kill any bugs.


Sesame Sugar Snap Peas:

Take a package of frozen sugar snap peas. Saute in a tablespoon of butter until they start to brown, and then add a tablespoon or two of rice-wine vinegar. Cook off the liquid and add salt, pepper, and toasted sesame seeds.


Matchstick Sweet potatoes:

Peel some sweet potatoes.

Cut 'em up real small, like matchstick size.

Fry in a neutral cookin oil (Canola or Vegetable, NOT olive or peanut) until golden brown and delicious.

Drain.

Salt. (Sea, of course)

Pepper.

Eat.


(For those of you who don't know about toasted sesame seeds: get some sesame seeds and put them in a hot, dry skillet. Cook, constantly stirring, until they start to turn light brown. Evacuate onto a plate for cooling. Put them on top of stuff.)

Well, that is that for today folks!

Deep down, you know you want it so bad. Danger Chocolate

Oh God.

Oh dear God.

I think I may have created something so wonderful, so chillingly alluring that it is a force to be reckoned with: Dark Chocolate Covered Danger Pudding with Sea Salt on Top.

First, let us start off on what "Danger Pudding" is. Essentially it is a dulce de leche style caramel that can KILL YOU. The process by which you make it has a tiny likelihood of causing an explosion with boiling liquid and shrapnel. It is unlikely, but I wouldn't make this if you don't have health insurance.

How to Make Danger Pudding:

1. Take a can of Sweetened Condensed Milk (Not evaporated milk) and DON'T OPEN IT.
2. Take the can you HAVEN'T OPENED and put it in a Crock Pot.
3. Submerge completely in cold water. Several inches of water should cover the can.
4. Turn the Crock Pot on low.
5. After 12 hours, take the can DON'T OPEN IT, and put it in the fridge.
6. When it has chilled (about two or three hours), put a can opener on the edge, cover with a towel to shield your face from any explosion, and open the can.
7. If you are still alive at this point, then you can proceed with the recipe below.

Things that can potentially go wrong:

1. There is a dent in your can causing it to have a bacterial infection. The bacteria will incubate and multiply in the cooking process, causing the can to explode.
2. The can is not completely submerged in water the entire time. This could cause the internal pressure to exceed the external pressure of the water, thus causing an explosion.
3. (And this is the scary one you can't prevent) The can has a bacterial infection from the factory process. Again like Danger Number One, but this one you have to trust your manufacturer.

So what you have here is a pressure cooker that could burst at any moment and kill, maim, or burn you terribly.

But the end result tastes sooooo good.


RECIPE:

2 bags of dark chocolate chips, melted
1 Can of Danger Pudding, chilled
Sea Salt Grains.

Step One-

Melt the chocolate chips in the microwave or the oven, but not a double boiler. Your goal is to temper the damn stuff, which can be quite hard. The double boiler could work but the steam from under the dish could cause moisture to get into the chocolate... and if you get any water into melting chocolate it will never set up (chocolate is oil-based, and a single drop of water will cause havoc). You want to get the chocolate as close to 92 degrees without going over 94 degrees, which will give you the optimal texture and shine.

Step Two-

Take a teaspoon full of Danger Pudding and cover it in chocolate. It is hard to work with, just work at it until you get the piece completely covered.

Step Three-

Drop onto a piece of parchment paper. Sprinkle the top with sea salt. (This is a very crucial ingredient. The addition of the sea salt cuts the sweetness of the Danger Pudding, and highlights the other flavors. When you get a bit of the salt on your tongue you are reminded of the fact that you are eating something homemade, something sweet. It helps break up the flavors, thus bringing them out more)

Step Four-

Chill and Serve.



Miss Jaycee. She asked for another one immediately.

Pammy Blade's comment: "Holy shit. That is incredible. I think I'm done eating for the rest of my life."

And me, your food pornographer, eating this wonderful creation.